Port forwarding help? Going nuts.?

I'm not new to port forwarding but something mysterious is blocking/stealthing my ports. I have truly disabled windows firewall (even advanced settings) and haven no other personal firewalls running. The only programs I have running are AVG Anti-Virus (free edition) and I even tried disabling that, telnet-ing ports and nothing is open (when I'm directly connected to the modem) (all ports not just certain ports that ISPs block). I've turned off Windows Defender (the only spyware program I run) and yet, my ports still won't forward. (An interesting note...when I'm behind my router I can *occasionally* *randomly* get my ports to forward locally [to my 192.168.1.x address] on the router but not to my external IP address) (Ports are never open externally, tested with websites such as canyouseeme.org). I've removed some (but not all) of the bloatware from this PC (Here's a HijackThis log a href="http://www.mediafire.com/?5beeidfzn2n)." rel="nofollow"http://www.mediafire.com/?5beeidfzn2n)./a Any insight and help is extremely, extremely appreciated.